Finding Peace During the Holidays When You are a Survivor of Sexual Violence

The holidays can be a challenging time, especially for survivors of sexual assault who may feel anxious about encountering their abuser.

The reality is that sexual violence often comes from familiar faces, not strangers. Research shows that 90% of survivors know the person who violated them. For many, the holiday season presents the daunting prospect of crossing paths with these individuals at family gatherings, Friendsgivings, or other social events.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are a few ideas to help you mentally prepare and create a sense of safety during the holidays:

Breathe and Create a Mantra

Your body may respond physically to the thought or sight of your abuser—this is natural. Plan ahead by practicing a breathing technique that calms you. This could be deep belly breaths, inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six, or whatever method feels grounding for you.

Next, arm yourself with a mantra—something simple and empowering to repeat to yourself in stressful moments. Try phrases like, “I am safe” or “I am in control.” Repeating these affirmations can help you stay anchored in the present.

Bring a Trusted Ally

Invite someone you trust to join you at the event. Share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with—whether it’s the full story or simply that you need support to navigate a difficult situation. Having someone there to back you up, redirect conversations, or simply stay by your side can make a huge difference.

Stick with Groups and Avoid Being Alone

If your abuser is unapologetic or tries to engage with you—whether through antagonism or unwanted apologies—being in a group can offer protection and distraction. Stay in shared spaces and avoid being isolated with the person in question. This strategy reduces opportunities for confrontation and helps maintain your emotional safety.

This list is not exhaustive, nor does it fit every survivor’s needs, but it’s a starting point for navigating triggering holiday scenarios. Most importantly, trust your instincts and have a plan. Remember, you always have the choice to skip an event if it feels too overwhelming or unsafe. Finally, this advice is not a substitute for speaking with a licensed therapist who can provide personalized support.

The holidays can be tough, but you don’t have to face them alone. If you’re looking for additional resources or guidance, we’re here to help. Reach out to me at Christina@commandjoyco.com to learn more about creating safe spaces and finding support. Take care of yourself—physically, emotionally, and mentally—this holiday season.

You deserve peace.