When Faith Hurts: Understanding and Addressing Spiritual Abuse in the Church

As a pastor’s wife and practicing Christian, I have been in church for a long time. I know that the Church has been a safe space for some and a place of harm for others. My faith is very important to me, and as a survivor of sexual assault, I know that my faith has carried me through traumatic experiences.

Spirituality helps people make sense of what they have been through. My good friend, Dr. Gabriela Zapata-Alma, often emphasizes that a core aspect of healing from trauma is being able to make meaning of one’s experiences.

In the Black community, the church is an essential source of connection and community. In fact, 80% of Black people identify as religious. Pastors, deacons, and other church leaders are often held in high regard, and their words are sometimes received as if they came directly from God. Church leaders have done incredible work in people’s lives—helping with spiritual wellness, teaching the power of prayer, feeding those in need, and providing coats for schoolchildren, among other things.

However, church leaders have also caused harm, using God and God’s word to oppress women and other vulnerable individuals.

Let’s talk about spiritual abuse.

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

The Religious Trauma Institute defines religious trauma as "the physical, emotional, or psychological response to religious beliefs, practices, or structures that is experienced by an individual as overwhelming or disruptive and has lasting adverse effects on a person’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being."

One way that spiritual abuse happens is when a church leader hurts people in the congregation by making the church a negative, shame filled and unhealthy place. They might use their position to make others feel bad or control them. One example of this is where young Black women are forced to apologize to the church for becoming pregnant.

According to research, 97% of survivors found spirituality or God to be a source of strength or comfort. We must reflect on our language and practices, ensuring they love and uplift people rather than shame them. For God to be a source of strength, we, as God’s people, must reflect God’s loving nature. 

What Should You Do If You See Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse can leave deep scars, not just on a person’s faith but on their sense of self-worth and connection to the community. As people of faith and compassion, we have a responsibility to stand against it. Here’s how you can take meaningful action when you witness spiritual abuse, guided by love, courage, and the values of accountability and restoration:

Recognize Its Harm

Spiritual abuse often hides in plain sight, cloaked in religious language or traditions. Pay attention to behaviors and practices that use faith to control, shame, or harm others. Whether it’s misusing scripture to justify mistreatment or creating a culture of fear, the first step in addressing abuse is acknowledging that it exists and recognizing its profound impact.

Ask yourself these questions. Does this behavior promote love, grace, and healing? Is someone’s dignity, autonomy, or safety being compromised in the name of faith?

Remember, abuse—spiritual or otherwise—is never aligned with God’s love.

Call It Out

Speaking up against spiritual abuse requires bravery, but it’s a critical step toward accountability. Address harmful behaviors or language with firmness and compassion. If possible, engage the person responsible in a private conversation to express your concerns. If the abuse involves a systemic issue or a leader misusing their position, consider bringing the matter to trusted leadership or an external accountability body.

Pro tips for addressing abuse. Stay calm and clear in your communication. Use “I” statements to express your concerns without escalating conflict (e.g., “I feel troubled when scripture is used in a way that shames others.”). Seek support if you feel unsafe addressing the issue alone.

Process It Internally

Witnessing spiritual abuse can be deeply unsettling. Take time to process what you’ve seen or experienced. Reflect on your emotions and seek guidance through prayer, journaling, or talking with a trusted confidant.

Healing begins with understanding, so be patient with yourself as you navigate your own thoughts and feelings.

Hold Space for the Harmed

If someone has been hurt by spiritual abuse, the most powerful thing you can do is be a safe and supportive presence for them. Listen without judgment, affirm their feelings, and remind them that the abuse they’ve experienced is not a reflection of their worth—or of God’s love for them.

Practical ways to support someone: Say, “I believe you,” and “What happened to you is not your fault.” Offer resources, such as faith-based counselors or organizations that specialize in spiritual trauma. Respect their timeline and healing journey without pressuring them to take specific actions.

At Command Joy Co., we believe that the Church should be a sanctuary of healing, love, and safety for all. Addressing spiritual abuse is a vital step in ensuring that our faith communities reflect the heart of God: one of justice, compassion, and unwavering grace. Let’s stand together to create a Church that uplifts and empowers everyone in its care.