Teen Dating Violence is in Your Ministry—Are You Paying Attention?
If your ministry includes teenagers, the reality is that some of them have experienced—or are currently experiencing—dating violence. Many more know a friend who is suffering in silence. As ministry leaders, we must acknowledge the prevalence of teen dating violence, understand the devastating impact it has on young lives, and take action to protect our youth.
Teen dating violence is not just a phase or an unfortunate relationship experience—it has lasting consequences on a young person’s health, emotional well-being, and future. The good news? Violence is preventable. By being proactive, we can help young people cultivate healthy relationships and ensure our churches are truly safe sanctuaries.
The Reality of Teen Dating Violence
According to research, up to 19% of teens in the U.S. experience sexual or physical dating violence. Half face stalking or harassment, and as many as 65% report psychological abuse within their relationships (Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, U.S. Department of Justice, 2022). Alarmingly, 8% of youth have been forced into sexual acts, and 7% have experienced forced intercourse (Basile et al., 2020).
This is happening in our communities, in our schools, and yes, even in our churches.
What is Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence can take many forms. It’s more than physical abuse—it’s a pattern of power and control that can manifest in multiple ways:
Physical Violence: Hitting, kicking, or using force to harm a partner.
Sexual Violence: Forcing or coercing a partner into sexual acts, including non-physical abuse like sharing intimate photos without consent.
Psychological Aggression: Using words, threats, or manipulation to degrade, intimidate, or control a partner.
Stalking: Repeated unwanted attention that causes fear or concern for safety.
Warning Signs Church Leaders Should Watch For
As ministry leaders, you may only see these young people once or twice a week. Yet, in that time, you are often privy to conversations, emotions, and behaviors that even their parents might not notice. If you feel that something is wrong, trust that instinct and pay close attention to these warning signs:
Sudden changes in behavior – Has a once-outgoing teen become withdrawn, anxious, or secretive? Are they avoiding friends, family, or activities they once loved?
Unexplained injuries – Repeated bruises or marks that don’t match their explanations could be a red flag.
A controlling partner – Are they constantly texting their partner out of fear? Have they lost friendships because their partner isolates them?
Emotional shifts – Watch for heightened anxiety, depression, or expressions of low self-worth, all of which can indicate relationship abuse.
Our role is not to judge but to provide a safe space. If you see these signs, open the conversation with love and concern. Let them know: “You are not alone. This is not your fault. There are people who care and want to help.”
Creating a Safe Space for Teens to Talk
Young people need to know they can trust us. Here’s how we can create an environment where they feel safe sharing their struggles:
Lead with God’s Love – Remind them that God’s love is unconditional. In every lesson, sermon, and interaction, emphasize their worth and value in Christ.
Normalize conversations about relationships – Make discussions about boundaries, healthy relationships, and safety a regular part of your ministry.
Ask direct but gentle questions – Instead of avoiding tough topics, approach them with care: “How are things with your friends? Your partner?” or “Has anything been making you uncomfortable lately?”
Stay curious, not judgmental – Use open-ended prompts like “Tell me more.” This lets them share at their own pace without feeling pressured.
Manage your reactions – If they confide in you, respond with calm and reassurance. They need to feel supported, not scared of your response.
If a Teen Needs a Safety Plan
If a young person in your ministry is experiencing dating violence, help them develop a safety plan—a personalized, practical strategy to protect themselves. This may include:
Identifying trusted adults they can confide in.
Knowing safe places they can go if they feel threatened.
Keeping emergency contacts accessible.
Learning how to set boundaries and disengage safely from an abusive relationship.
If possible, include their parents or guardians in this process—if it is safe to do so.
Our Responsibility as the Church
We love the young people in our ministries, and we don’t want to see them harmed by dating violence. Our responsibility goes beyond teaching scripture—we must actively create a culture of safety, awareness, and support.
Let’s start asking the hard questions. Let’s start paying closer attention. Let’s ensure that our churches are not just places of worship, but places of refuge.
Are you ready to make your church a safer sanctuary? Let’s talk. Command Joy Co. is here to equip you with the tools, resources, and training to protect the youth in your ministry. Reach out today to learn how you can take the next step in safeguarding your church family.
